Confrontation is scary for most people. Some people avoid it, some deny it, others meet it with anger and frustration. It can end in a lawsuit, a physical fight or divorce. Rob Rogers spent most of his life running from conflict and consequently important matters went unsolved, relationships were tarnished and jobs were nearly lost.
Now facing conflict is infused into every aspect of his life and because of that, life is good. Rogers became a professional peacemaker five years ago, part of a growing trend of folks who are trained to meet conflict headon. Carline Emanuel, president of the Florida Association for Conflict Resolution, said the group has strived to make alternative conflict resolution, such as mediation, a popular means to an end in any professional or personal situation.
“It is a trend because the alternative is a lengthy, costly court process or sometimes even violence,” she said. “When someone is angry they are not always reasonable. In a neutral situation they get the chance to really hear each other. Even if there is not actual resolution, it defuses some of that anger.” FACR membership has grown to around 6,000 and U.S. News & World Report recently cited dispute resolution as one of the fastest-growing academic disciplines of the new millennium.
Even lawyers are trading the courtroom for the mediation table. Julie Walbroel, a civil trial lawyer of 14 years, encourages her clients to talk through their problems before spending their time and money in court. Of the more than 2,000 mediations she has conducted, about 85 percent were successful. “I am a firm believer in mediation for problem solving. Mediation is a nonthreatening, confidential environment to get two sides — and sometimes more — to actually sit down, vent, communicate and validate,” she said.
When statewide budget cuts caused Orange County’s monthly judicial dockets to soar by 100 cases, the court system mandated that all cases start in mediation. Walbroel said this eliminated a large number of cases from ever reaching the courts. Mediation can cost several hundred dollars an hour but Walbroel said court fees are more expensive and time consuming, sometimes taking a year to resolve a case. Court filing fees can cost up to $200 and lawyers charge anywhere from $250 to $400 an hour.
The most basic divorce — meaning no children are involved — costs from $500 to $1,500 and can take a year to resolve, Walbroel said. Social workers, Realtors, teachers and child psychologists are filling mediation seminars and workshops, and c a l l i n g mediation l a w y e r s l i k e Walbroel for advice or requesting to observe a mediation. “ T h e a v e r a g e p e r s o n does not k n o w what mediation is so they are curious about the process,” she said.
“I am still not seeing as much interest as I’d like but people are being more open-minded about problem solving. People want a change because the old way is not working.” Rogers finds his peacekeeping training effective as a Realtor and a parent. Emotions are involved in many real estate situations, like a recent one involving two brothers who were selling a home they co-owned.
One of the brothers was concerned about selling the home in such slow economic times but was not communicating his fears. Rogers spoke to both brothers separately to identify their true feelings and then helped communicate those concerns to each other. They decided to rent out the house, which satisfied both men.
“I wanted to be better equipped and prepared to meet the needs of my clients. I have always hated disharmony,” Rogers said. “A peacekeeper deals with issues of the heart, which makes a tremendous difference because the root of every conflict is a heart’s desire.” Rogers also uses mediation with his young children, asking them to retrace a fight that resulted in the all-too-common ‘he/she started it’ blame game.
“Even as children they are able to see that they both contributed to the fight and then they have to take responsibility. Children respond very well to this because they are more malleable and teachable,” he said. “I am much happier since I learned these skills and my kids are happier because there is a process now for how we communicate with one another as opposed to us reacting out of anger.”
Rogers has found that the general public is extremely responsive to learning peacekeeping skills and has even been invited to teach these techniques to local high school students and organizations. He recently enrolled in Regent University’s online master’s program in Organizational Leadership and one day hopes to make conflict resolution his career.
“I am looking forward to growing on a scholarly level because conflict resolution is much needed in business. I would like to help organizations and churches to grow healthier,” he said. Walbroel disagrees with the sue-happy attitude those in the legal community have created in many Americans.
“People are scared to do anything without a lawyer — do not sell a house without a lawyer, do not talk to your insurance company without a lawyer, basically do not walk outside of your house without a lawyer,” she said. “Yes, I want to pay my bills but a lawyer’s job should be to problem solve, not create more problems. Sometimes you have to use the court system, but the rest of the time these people just want someone to listen to them.”
